How to Date Successfully

Need to know advice before you start dating this summer.

The biggest challenge my single male clients are facing is how to date successfully in today’s dating scene. In fact, many of my clients aren’t even clear on what dating truly is. Some are unaware they can date multiple women at once, and some are unaware of what the dating process should be like. Some of my clients rely too heavily on dating apps and others are afraid to use them all together. They share frustrations with me about how to progress to something more serious or how to know when a woman isn’t for them. So I’m going to break it down for you and help you understand important elements to make your dating process feel smoother, and healthier and give you a likelier chance of meeting your dream woman.

Here Is The Need To Knows Before You Start:

1. Know what you want in a partner and in your relationship. This is something I repeat every time I speak to someone wanting to date. Without knowing the type of partner you would be compatible with or what kind of relationship you’re looking to achieve, you’re dating without any purpose. I call it the spaghetti at the wall method. You throw something out there and see what sticks. But what sticks might not be what satisfies you. So before you date, before you sign up for a dating app, before your friends introduce you to their single friends, ask yourself what kind of qualities and characteristics you want from a partner. Ask yourself what you value in a relationship. Ask yourself whether you want marriage or kids, or whether you’re open to a blended family. Get very clear on what you want, and what you don’t want so you can date with integrity, purpose and clarity. I guarantee you this will save you time and heartache.
2. Know what dating is and get clear on how you want to date. As I mentioned earlier in the article, many of us don’t really understand how dating works or what purpose it serves. Dating is not something that should take over your life. It’s not something that should cause you grief and stress and overwhelm. Dating should blend in nicely with the rest of your life. So ask yourself how much time are you willing to commit to the dating process? Are you willing to date multiple people to find the person that’s right for you? Are you going to pay for all your first dates? Are you going to grab coffee or dinner? Get clear on what works for you so you don’t resent the process. Dating is about meeting individuals to assess whether or not they are the right person to create an intimate relationship with. It’s a form of courtship to determine if they are suitable as a romantic partner. So this process isn’t meant to be rushed. It may take you some time to truly find the person that’s right for you.
3. Use dating apps with balance and purpose. Dating apps are not a replacement for having a social life or connecting with people through your friends, work or community. Too many of us are relying on dating apps as the only source to meet our romantic connections. This is where many problems arise. Dating apps should be seen as an additional tool in your toolkit for making new connections. It should be used with integrity and positivity. Make sure you consider what boundaries you will place around the use of dating apps. Are you going to allow notifications to steal your attention throughout the working day, or switch them off? Are you going to be a paid member or a non-paid member? Are you balancing the people you meet online with people you meet through organic connections? Consider how you use apps and what problems may arise so you can get ahead of them.
4. Don’t use dating apps or swipe when you’re drunk, lonely or late at night. It’s a good reminder to tell you that dating apps are not a suitable replacement or healthy distraction when you’re bored or lonely. You’re not likely going to make healthy or good choices on who you match with when you’re coming from a scarcity mindset or a depressed mood. You also want to avoid swiping when you’re under the influence. Remember, dating apps are not a replacement for your social life and support network. Make sure to have a healthy support network around you while you’re dating so you don’t end up using dating apps to prop up your self-esteem.
5. Do understand that sometimes you’ll have to let dates down and that finding a way to do that is important for your self-esteem. Not every date is going to work out and not every connection will be right for you. Make sure to get comfortable letting people know that you do not want to continue pursuing a connection (if that’s true for you). This is so much more appropriate than ghosting people or leaving them in the dark. While that’s the easier option, it doesn’t make you or the other person feel good. You should never continue spending time with someone or texting someone because you feel guilty about hurting their feelings. It’s time to be mature and handle rejection and let down with grace.

Kimberly Hill is a leading Dating & Relationship Coach For Men and the Host of The Self-Confidence Project Podcast. For more information, click here.

Curious to learn more? Download a free copy of The Dating Handbook for Men.

Ready for more personalized support? Book a free consultation with Dating & Relationship Expert Kimberly here.